My son will be starting high school in the Fall! I was a little nervous about the idea of him graduating from elementary school at the beginning of the school year, but have since calmed down. He’s made tremendous strides over the past few years and I now feel confident that he is ready to take the next necessary step! We went to visit a couple of high schools, which helped a lot. Time really does fly!
So because anxiety always pops up uninvited, I had to learn some combat skills to keep it from ruining my life. I could be having a great day… and then those crazy thoughts come out of no where. Thoughts like somethings going to go wrong soon or thoughts of people that have been nothing but kind to me will betray me soon. I’ve gotten tired of these thoughts ruining happy moments for me so I begin to get to the root of them.
- First thing I do is remind myself that NOTHINGS HAPPENED. I’ll be sitting there worried about things that haven’t even happened.
- Secondly, I think of all the possible outcomes of what I’m worried about. I’ve found that the worst case scenario is something I can live with.
For instance, I had terrible anxiety a couple of weeks ago because I hadn’t renewed plate sticker because my car wasn’t passing the emissions test. After I sorted through all the anxiety, I calmed myself by remembering that the worst case scenario is that I will get a ticket…and I can pay a ticket.
Anxiety is always an inconvenience and there is never a good time for it to show up. However, I am determined to continue to fight for the good life that exists beyond anxiety.
Day in and Day out I move to the beat of an internal alarm clock. You see in my life nothing can have a minimized importance as everything is operates like a machine, and if one part isn’t functioning the entire machine will cease to work. From getting up at 6:45am to make sure Christian is ready when the school bus arrives, so that I can in turn start working, so that I can afford to pay bills, pay for cool preteen haircuts and clothing and do all the of the things necessary to run a household. And though this juggling act can be redundant, it can also be full of surprises.
I hate to sound whiny, but almost always the surprises are unpleasant. Surprises like my check engine light coming on when I start my car, or waking up with a body ache(which makes me move slower). However, like always super mom powers through and things work out. There’s just one thing(sigh)… I get tired sometimes. There’s so many have to do’s in life and very few want to do’s. For example, I WANT to go get a pedicure and not feel guilty about the 2 hours I spend doing it. I also WANT to go get a cup of coffee and not feel guilty about spending $5 on it.
Overall, most of my gripes can be lumped into the category of single parent ranting. With that being said I’ll close by saying that being a parent is the best and most meaningful gift I’ve ever received and that all of my griping will one day be cool stories to share with my grandchildren.
In recent news Rapper and Actor Kid Cudi posted a note on his Facebook page announcing that he had checked himself into rehab for “depression and suicidal urges.” Cudi, age 32 years-old whose real name is Scott Mescudi, noted that he felt “so ashamed” and apologized numerous times throughout his post. He went on to say “I am not at peace. I haven’t been since you’ve known me. If I didn’t come here, I would’ve done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life.”
There was such a flood of emotions poured out onto his Facebook page and an even bigger flood of supports from his fans and music industry colleagues. Cudi acknowledging that he has some issues and reaching out to get the help that he needs is completely commendable and a great example of what true bravery is.
How often do we as adults, parents and caretakers acknowledge our emotions and what we are feeling. For many the answer is not often if ever. We wear so many hats and are pulled in so many directions we hardly have the time to deal with self. I want to encourage everyone to not get swept away in the rocky sea of life and to feel what you’re going to feel, and if what you’re feeling isn’t right get some help. Cudi acknowledged how “ashamed” he felt for feeling the way that he did, but we can not be ashamed of who we are or who we’ve become. If we don’t like the way we feel or the things that are going on in life lets push the pause button to make the changes we want and live a life full of peace and joy.
Time, one of the few things in life that is irreplaceable. You can’t buy it, you can’t produce it and you certainly get a refund for any of it that is wasted. With all of these things being well known facts, it’s important to make note of how we process the huge clock in our lives.
In the time I spend alone with my thoughts I’ve found that I’m always super conscious of how quickly time moves. With that being said, I find myself stressed a lot and often times am unsatisfied with the timeframe in which my goals are accomplished. My childhood dream was to become a journalist. That’s what I earned my degree in and worked as for a few years during and after college. However, life happened and I was forced to put that dream on shelf for what I thought would only be for a little while. Eleven years later I’ve looked up and realize I’m still trying to fulfill that dream.
To be completely honest I’m pursuing it more aggressively in the past couple of weeks then I have in previous years; I just feel like it’s time. My son is eleven now and I’ve been a single parent for that long as his father died eleven years ago. Please… there’s no pity party necessary. Instead I am diligently searching for opportunities to make my dreams a reality. I’ll update you on my progress as it is made. Meanwhile, be mindful of how you spend your time.
As I sit here slumped down on the couch, I can’t help but to feel guilty for wanting just 1 more day of rest. Another day of getting up after the sun has risen and not before. Why oh why does the weekend seem like Saturday is the only day that you can fully enjoy? Friday you spend winding down from the week and Sunday you spend preparing for Monday.
Sigh…and now I feel guilty for complaining because a lot of people wish that had the life that I have. Ok, I’m done complaining; my super mom cape is hanging in the closet still warm from me just taking off. After 6 hours of sleep super mom will back in action!
So lets delve right into it! Today I reached another milestone; I registered Christian for his first after school program! In addition to being fun, I think this will give him more practice being independent(practicing his big boy skills). As I was signing him up for the program all of these ideas came to mind of how to transition him from going to my mom’s house after school to going to an after school program. Everything from arranging a visit prior to his first day there to how to explain his new routine to him came to mind. Then it hit me…”does he need help transitioning to a new routine, or do you?”
Christian typically does well with new things and doesn’t really get caught up in routines. Me on the other hand, has to know ever single detail of everything from start to finish a week in advance to feel comfortable with new routines. I thought people with autism had trouble adjusting to change. Hmmm….makes me wonder if I have spectrum tendencies. At the very least I’m a parent trying to learn how to let her first child grow up without blocking any progress. There lies another mountain to conquer.
Ever feel like there’s not enough time in the day? As sure as the sun rises and sets everyday we have a list of things to do for our families that takes up all of our time. The good news is that we always get things taken care of. The not so good news is that sometimes we get overwhelmed and can get kind of down on ourselves. Knowing this, I want to take the time to encourage you and let you know you’re doing a great job. Nobody can do the things that you do for your loved ones quite like you. Hang in there and know that God sees your efforts. The wonderful adventures we’re having right now will be attention grabbing stories in years to come.