So because anxiety always pops up uninvited, I had to learn some combat skills to keep it from ruining my life. I could be having a great day… and then those crazy thoughts come out of no where. Thoughts like somethings going to go wrong soon or thoughts of people that have been nothing but kind to me will betray me soon. I’ve gotten tired of these thoughts ruining happy moments for me so I begin to get to the root of them.
- First thing I do is remind myself that NOTHINGS HAPPENED. I’ll be sitting there worried about things that haven’t even happened.
- Secondly, I think of all the possible outcomes of what I’m worried about. I’ve found that the worst case scenario is something I can live with.
For instance, I had terrible anxiety a couple of weeks ago because I hadn’t renewed plate sticker because my car wasn’t passing the emissions test. After I sorted through all the anxiety, I calmed myself by remembering that the worst case scenario is that I will get a ticket…and I can pay a ticket.
Anxiety is always an inconvenience and there is never a good time for it to show up. However, I am determined to continue to fight for the good life that exists beyond anxiety.
Day in and Day out I move to the beat of an internal alarm clock. You see in my life nothing can have a minimized importance as everything is operates like a machine, and if one part isn’t functioning the entire machine will cease to work. From getting up at 6:45am to make sure Christian is ready when the school bus arrives, so that I can in turn start working, so that I can afford to pay bills, pay for cool preteen haircuts and clothing and do all the of the things necessary to run a household. And though this juggling act can be redundant, it can also be full of surprises.
I hate to sound whiny, but almost always the surprises are unpleasant. Surprises like my check engine light coming on when I start my car, or waking up with a body ache(which makes me move slower). However, like always super mom powers through and things work out. There’s just one thing(sigh)… I get tired sometimes. There’s so many have to do’s in life and very few want to do’s. For example, I WANT to go get a pedicure and not feel guilty about the 2 hours I spend doing it. I also WANT to go get a cup of coffee and not feel guilty about spending $5 on it.
Overall, most of my gripes can be lumped into the category of single parent ranting. With that being said I’ll close by saying that being a parent is the best and most meaningful gift I’ve ever received and that all of my griping will one day be cool stories to share with my grandchildren.
As I sit here slumped down on the couch, I can’t help but to feel guilty for wanting just 1 more day of rest. Another day of getting up after the sun has risen and not before. Why oh why does the weekend seem like Saturday is the only day that you can fully enjoy? Friday you spend winding down from the week and Sunday you spend preparing for Monday.
Sigh…and now I feel guilty for complaining because a lot of people wish that had the life that I have. Ok, I’m done complaining; my super mom cape is hanging in the closet still warm from me just taking off. After 6 hours of sleep super mom will back in action!